Ah, fall golf. Crisp air, golden leaves, and just under five hours of sunlight — unless, of course, you’re the one foursome moving at the speed of tectonic plates. Yes, we’re looking at you.

One humble goal at this year’s QCC: get everyone around 18 holes before the sun clocks out at 5:31 PM, like an emotionally unavailable father.

This requires a delicate blend of logistics, shame, and letting go of your PGA Tour delusions.

Play It Forward, BUDDY

First up: tee selection.

Despite an average drive of 205 yards — to the right — one of you will still stand on the first tee and declare, “We’re playing the tips. Gotta prep for Q-School.”

Bold words from a group that hasn’t logged a birdie since the Bush administration.

If you’re ripping fairway wood into par 4 greens, the back tees are not for you. Be the hero this tournament deserves.

Scramble vs. Best Ball: CHOOSE Peace

We’ve graciously allowed you to play both formats this year: scramble and best ball. Easy, right? You’d think.

But no — someone always insists, “Best ball is a purer test. Plus, we like writing down doubles individually.”

Nothing screams “authentic” like pacing off a 9-footer for six while two groups wait on the tee like extras in The Revenant.

Trickle-Down Slow Play-onomics

Slow play isn’t your problem, it’s everyones problem. Group 4, teeing off at 1:35 PM, is already on the clock before they hit their breakfast ball. By hole 13, the sun’s lower than their morale. By 16, they’re putting with iPhone flashlights.

“Honestly, it’s kinda romantic,” says Bash Bro JM, who now has commitment issues. “$389 to play six full holes. Love that for us.”

“Fore”-some Pacing Strategy Guide

This isn’t the Oregon Trail, fellas - I’m not trying to die from exposure on the back 9.

Pay Attention Don’t stand around like a lawn ornament while others hit. Plan your shot and take your 20 practice swings when it isn’t your turn so you can hit quickly when it is.
Drop & Go The cart isn’t a limo. Drop your BFF off and drive to your ball. He can walk — it’s called exercise. This will literally shave 20min off your round.
Elephant Walk If you walk to your ball, laser the pin, then walk back to get clubs, you’ve already lost. Grab a couple sticks, rangefinder, and a warm, wet towel.
Ready Golf Is Legal Who’s “away”? Doesn’t matter (excl. putting). “Honors”? This isn’t Algebra II. If you’re ready, hit. The golf police won’t arrest you.
Peanut Butter & Jelly When you’re near the green, make it a combo - wedge(s) and putter. Don’t do the sad walk back to the cart like you forgot your lunch.
Finishing first is OK If you’re 2 feet away and still marking your ball like it’s the U.S. Open, stop. Just tap it in. You’re not on TV, yet.
Watch the Ball Everyone’s a spotter. Pretend you care where your buddy’s slice landed — it’ll save everyone five minutes of “someone must have picked it up.” Sure, dude.
Keep It Moving After the Hole Scorecards and stat tracking can wait until you’re rolling to the next tee. The green is for putting, not journaling.
The Cart Girl is Not a Coffee Date Yes, she’s nice. Yes, you’re thirsty. But let’s minimize cocktails she’s gotta make 1-by-1. Load the cooler before teeing off, extra range time won’t help anyway.

As Tournament Director Meyer so eloquently put it: “You don’t win anything but a weird trophy and mild self-respect. No one needs five hours to earn that.”

Now tighten it up. The sun’s not waiting — and neither are we.

By: 2025 Team Captains - Storey & Carl | Published: Sept 29, 2025